Going Away

Inspired by Sylvia Plath's 'Mad Girl's Love Song' ...

I fancied you'd return the way you said,

But I grow old and I forget your name.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

For the fifth and final time, she turned to look at him. He still hadn’t moved. In spite of herself, she felt a lump in her throat; the corners of her lips trembled threatening to curl into a downward arc, her eyes trying clear themselves from the watery veil. He didn’t even so much as acknowledge her lingering presence. As far as he was concerned, he had fulfilled his obligation by waving her a cordial goodbye and wishing her a happy journey. He had buried himself in work, his flawless pearly forehead under his forever clumsy hair visible over the laptop he intently peered into. As he moved his head while typing, his youthful brown eyes became visible. She stared at him longingly, as if willing him into seeing her, but his eyes continued to be focussed on the screen of his computer.

 His eyes. That’s where her fascination had started. His dark eyes which revealed themselves to be a deep brown when light fell across them. There was something so gentle and soft about them, like they warmed her leaving a trace on her body wherever the eyes went. She could feel her cheeks flush, a soft, shy smile light up on her lips when they did so. After determining that her shirt was proper, her bracelets sitting pretty at her wrist and her hair falling over her shoulders in just the right manner, she waved him a ‘hello’. He always waved back with a smile, his eyes bright and warm, welcoming her presence around him. When he flashed a smile, she felt her heart skip several beats together. His smile was so easy going, relaxed, effortlessly charming. She would often smile to herself and gloat silently, he was always so glad to see her.

She bowed her head and walked over to the water cooler. She felt betrayed by his indifference. How could he do that to her? she thought as she absent mindedly clutched a glass of water. She watched as a few co-workers walked by. Some smiled at her, two stopped in front of her and shook her hand one last time. They wished her farewell and a happy life ahead. She thanked all and cordially responded to the wishes. Seizing an opportunity she even let out a small laugh, hoping it would reach his ears and he'd look up to meet her eyes, but nothing happened.

She felt miserable. Here she was, leaving this office, going away forever and he couldn't even care to walk her out. How people change! she wondered. It only seemed like yesterday that they were together; chatting, laughing, the promises he made... no, there had been no promises. She resented that. She didn’t have any promise that she could hold him to. How could they have spent all this time without getting ahead in the relationship?? All those days, the words exchanged over coffee... no, cold drink... and that was only once.

 From where she stood, she had a clear view of the break room. She sadly smiled to herself. What a day it had been. They had had a successful meeting, closed a good deal; six of them sat around the table in the break room, relieved, waiting for their pizza. They had one big bottle of coke which everyone passed around. She still remembered the warm smile he gave her when she passed him the bottle. His eyebrows raised in a comic fashion as he said something funny. He had taken the bottle from her, taken a sip and passed it on. Few minutes later when she found herself searching for the bottle for another drink, he had been to one to reach for the bottle and give it to her. She still savored the moment when their fingers brushed together. She bet that there was a playful naughtiness in his eyes. And she responded by blushing.

How Neha had made fun of his hair that day! He had an adorable habit of running his fingers casually through his hair in a half hearted attempt to keep it tidy, but the result achieved was quite the opposite. In fact the untidy look suited him. It gave him a boyish charm that made her heart melt every time she looked at him. She didn’t like it at all when he entered the office with his hair all combed back neatly. It looked like it was an attempt to look mature and his immaturity shone through in that very attempt. She felt like ruffling his hair and making it all perfect again. She knew he would only laugh, maybe crack a few jokes about it. But she had never dared.

She looked around the office again, this time taking in the rest of the people as well. She set down the glass in her hand, waved at the nearest two co-workers. They both wished her a happy journey. She then turned around and walked out of the office.

He still hadn't looked up.