Off-Duty

The dinner party was over and I was more than happy to clean up. I had strict instructions regarding the correct way of loading the dishwasher, the exact amount of food to throw into the disposer at once, and I also had very vivid descriptions of the fate that awaited me had I ruined any of our wedding china. I finished up, with Mary frequently calling out random advice, and finally went over to the open window.

It was a clear night, a pleasant breeze blowing through the quiet by-lanes. I took a deep breath and smelled the roses in our garden outside. Oh, how I missed it. This. The peace and quiet. The smells and the view. A cigarette glowed red between my fingers, smoke rings slowly wafted out of the window. A neighbour out for a jog passed in front of the house, waving to me as he did. Yet another smiled as he drove by. I waved back and turned away, threw the stub into the dustbin and settled down on the sofa with a magazine.

“Are you done?”

I looked up to see Mary at the doorway.

“Just like you said,” I smiled. She ducked into the kitchen.

She was going to cross-check everything anyway. I chuckled.

“It smells like smoke in here.”

 I bit my tongue. Damn!

“Honey, it was the only one I had all day.”

“Kevin, you promised.” Mary reappeared carrying a glass of water. She didn’t seem angry. I let out a sigh of relief, I wasn’t in trouble. Mary laughed.

“Hon, I really appreciate you trying to quit...”

BOOM!!

“...What the hell...?”

It was an IED. Our humvee had passed right over it. The car overturned.

“Kevin...!!”

What ...? where... I looked around. I must have blacked out on impact.

“Kevin?!”

“Yeah?!! Ryan?? Peters?”

“Kevin, Rogers’ tyre just blew, right in front of our gate. Mind going out and giving him a hand?”

My ears were ringing. I had to help him... yes, I did. But where was he? My mind worked sluggishly. “Calm down,” I told myself, “and think. Start moving!”

I pushed myself off the ground and felt a searing pain in my side. I checked quickly. There was blood, probably shrapnels, but I could still move.

“What are you looking for? Your toolbox is in the garage...”

I looked around. Our guide lay a few feet before me, only half his body intact. His face was turned towards me and eyes, wide open. I forced myself to look away, quickly crawled behind the vehicle and grabbed an automatic.

“Kevin? It’s okay if you don’t want to go...  Honey?”

“Peters?” No answer. Bullets were flying from every direction. I set up my rifle and fired at the hostiles.

“Kevin? Honey? Whoa... wait, what are you doing?”

“Ryan? Are you hurt?”

“I can’t feel my legs. Peters is gone.”

I sprayed some more bullets into the fray. A grenade went off about a hundred metres ahead.

“Ryan???I’m coming for you...”

“They must have heard the blast... They’ll come. You get to the trees.”

“But Ryan..!”

“Kevin, it was just a tyre..! You don’t have to...”

“I have Andrews with me. We are covered. Go.”

“Kevin! Look at me...wait, I’ll call Dr. Keller...”

I sat up, and wheeled around.

“I’ll cover you Kevin. Go go go!”

I rushed forward, firing continuously. A bullet grazed my arm. I ran through a line of trees and ducked behind a thick tree trunk. I aimed at the hostiles and fired a round.

“Ryan?”

“Kevin, I’m here, look at me! You’re home, you’re safe!... Hello? Dr. Keller? I’m...”

“Ryan!?”

“Kevin! Behind you!”

I wheeled around. The man was almost on me. He shot at me, I jumped aside and knocked the gun from his hand. I ducked and kicked his legs away from under him. He fell down, clearly not very experienced. Here was my advantage.

I quickly twisted his arm around and caught him in a headlock. He struggled furiously. He rammed his elbow into my ribs. The hit was surprisingly soft, didn’t hurt at all. He was weak.

“Honey please... please... listen to me...”

Something fell from his grip, bounced off my shoe and onto the floor. A phone.

A phone?

“Honey! Please Kev...Help... Help”

“Not so brave now, are you? Planting bombs on the road is so much easier, eh?” I breathed venomously. I increased the pressure on his windpipe crushing it.

She gasped and tried to scratch my face. She...? But...

I let go of his dead weight.

She fell down in a heap.

I felt the cold creeping through my spine. I looked around... Where was the back up? No one was coming.

“Ryan?” I called out, shakily. But he was gone too. I felt sweat running down my face.

 I spun around... No humvee, just our coffee table...in our living room.

But... the man I just...

I looked at the floor.

Mary lay sprawled at my feet.

Honour

“I found you.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

He turned his eyes away, but didn’t move from his place.

“Don’t say that! I wanted to see you,” I pled, trying to catch his eye.

“Why?”

“Because... just because,” I sighed. There was nothing more I could say.

“I get it. You wanted to see if I was dead or alive. Well, I am alive. Happy? Now leave.” He started to get up from the table when I clamped down on his hand and held it there.

“Stop, alright? You forget; I helped you. I was the one who saved...” I checked myself. I suddenly became aware of the pressure I was putting on his wrist. It must hurt. I withdrew my hand.

“Sorry...” I mumbled as Rudhir rubbed his wrist.

“No,” he replied, his mouth taut, “I’m sorry... I was... forget it. So, how are you?”

He asked as if he didn’t care about the answer. Maybe he didn’t. He actually didn’t.

“You’ve grown so thin... you are just skin and bones... are you not eating properly? Your eyes... when was the last time you slept?”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I’m fine, father. I had exams and... Aashu doesn’t sleep easily.”

“He is restless,” I observed.

Rudhir nodded, staring at the table.

But his eyes softened when Aashu wrapped his tiny fingers around his. He peered through his glasses lovingly and smiled when the child pulled at his tie. He twirled the metal batch on his chest. It was shiny and the child cackled with amusement. It was music to my ears.

He likes shiny things. Much like Rudhir when he was Aashu’s age.

 I just sat there, watching them. I was ... enchanted.

“He has grown so big,” I exclaimed quietly, “He is beautiful!”

Rudhir nodded, “Yes he is. He looks like her.”

I sat up straight, and ran my fingers over my mouth.

“He misses her,” he continued, “we both do.”

I felt my stomach lurch. I didn’t reply.

“How is mother?”

“She misses you.”

“Good.”

I watched the child... my grandson... play with the tie for a while.

“Where does Aashu stay when you are in class?”

“They have a crèche here. It’s for staff but they made an exception for me.”

I nodded and watched my grandson, who now sat on his father’s lap tracing a tattoo on his forearm. Aashu’s father. I barely recognise him as my son anymore.

“Son, you are too young to be doing this alone. It’s been two years! You have been attending classes, working part-time and raising your son. Let us help you! You don’t have to do this alone. You are almost a child yourself for God sake!”

“No. I will raise him alone. And you have helped enough. I don’t need anymore,” Rudhir replied quickly, wrapping his son in his arms, as if afraid I would take him away.

I sighed and got up.

“I know you still blame me, son. But there was nothing I could do. She was too young. You both were...”

The baby had been born. It was boy.I had a grandson. The other doctors and nurses had left. It was just me now. The girl was critical but stable. I stood staring at her for a long time. So young. Very pretty. No wonder my son loved her. But they were young and stupid. What did they know of life? Had they known the way the world works, they would have known this would never be. Rudhir was only 20. Too young to know right from wrong.

Rudhir kissed the child and held him closer, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.

“... Giving birth at only 17 is risky for the mother. Her body was too weak to survive it. I did everything in my power to save her.”

He nodded. Aashu looked up at his father and touched his tear-streaked cheek with his tiny hand. Rudhir quickly checked himself, wiped his face and smiled at his child. The child giggled back, his attention now taken by Rudhir’s shiny glasses.

We were Rajputs. I had to protect our honour. Had she been of higher birth... even slightly respectable... maybe if she wasn’t an orphan...?

 With steady hands, I picked up the empty syringe and injected air bubbles into her IV channel. In her weakened state, an air embolus would be enough.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“You are a good father,” I observed, my voice heavy. Rudhir tickled Aashu. The child giggled hysterically, the tears sliding down his father’s cheek forgotten.

“You will always do what’s best for him,” I said.

That’s what fathers do. That’s what I did.

“I hope Aashu thinks so too,” Rudhir replied, quietly.

I started walking away.

“Thank you”.

I turned. “For what?”

“For saving my son,” Rudhir said.

I smiled, waved a small goodbye and resumed walking. I felt my sight blur with tears.

My heart jumped with a start. She was awake and staring back at me. There were tears streaming from her eyes.

“I have to protect him. Our family. You have to understand. I wish it didn’t have to be like this... I’m sorry,” I whispered, pleading.

“Please don’t kill my child,” she whispered back, closing her eyes.
  She never opened them again.