The little girl who refused to grow up

That’s what it is. The dream of a little girl who simply refuses to grow up! I tried reasoning with her many times, told her she’s being impractical, scolded her even, but she just wouldn't let go. Her world is very different from mine. For one, it’s perfect. She’s everything I never was, has everything I never had and does everything I’ll never have the guts to do. She’s very charming as well as outgoing and extremely courageous. She dreams of making it big someday and she’s confident she will. Her ideas make her world go round. She believes in these fantasies and lives her life around them. She has no inhibitions, is almost unknown to fear. She keeps telling me I should be more like her. But I know what I am. I’m practical. I’ve grown up and left the fairy tales behind me. I can’t be like her even if I try; then again, I don’t even want to try. I love my life. It’s far from perfect but then, nothing is perfect right?

          Her ways scare me. She’s not afraid to get hurt. She says I’m a coward. I never will have the guts to follow my dreams, or even fall in love for that matter because I’m too cautious. Sometimes I feel she’s right. I never did give these things any chance. I always thought that if someone would have the charm to sweep me off my feet, someday he would also put me down really hard. What’s the point in inviting that sort of pain? But she refuses to see my logic. She falls in love, has her heart broken, picks herself up and falls in love all over again. I think she enjoys it. I don’t know how but somehow she has her way with things and always comes out smiling no matter what. She brings out the best in all beings, sees beauty in all things. She’s like a bird with no restrains.

         

          As for me, I live in my own world. I know what’s real and what’s not. I don’t depend on fake ideas to get me through the day. Each day I work really hard, try to take on responsibilities, try to hide my flaws and live in denial about my insecurities. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted, tired of all the pretenses  That’s when she peeps into my world and gives me her hand. I take it partly out of frustration and partly out of curiosity. She guides me into her world. Suddenly I feel as if nothing can ever go wrong; like everything is right where it should be. It’s an amazing feeling, something I wasn't quite familiar with. It feels liberating to be with her. I don’t remember when exactly we became friends; only that when I asked her her name, she looked at me confused, said she didn't have any. So, I named her ‘fancy’.